[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.0.7″ custom_padding=”9px|||||”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.0.7″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” link_option_url=”danitsibs.com/services” hover_enabled=”0″]
When did ghosting become THE THING?! I truly do not remember it being this prevalent before my last relationship. Then somewhere in 2018/2019, boom! Everyone ghosts. When I first really started dating again in Spring 2019, I was shocked by the amount of ghosting. What is ghosting? Well, it is when you never respond to someone ever again. You could have gone on just a few dates or have been actually dating for a bit, but you stop reaching out and never respond again. When the other person contacts you, you do not respond. Ever.
I guess I can sit here and say, no, I’ve never been ghosted. I’ve been blown off and lied to, but no, I have never been ghosted. In those situations when I thought I was being ghosted and I couldn’t help myself, I finally send a text and the person did respond. Now, did it lead to anything else or make anything better? No. But I did receive a response. Ghosting is when you do not respond ever again. Period.
So how did ghosting become acceptable behavior? What changed? Is it the dating apps? Did the dating apps make everyone disposable and not matter anymore? What about in different cities? Is it a New York thing or does it happen everywhere? What about it being an age thing? Is this a millennial game or is everyone doing it? So I started talking to some people…
It is happening everywhere. It could be worse in New York, but it is happening all over. Ghosting is happening in all different cities.
A friend in Boston was ghosted repeatedly by men before finally being in her current relationship. One story resonates where she was dating a man for about a month. She was actually seeing him fairly often in that short amount of time. She even met some of his friends. They spoke on the phone one night about their next date and that was the last time they ever spoke again. After not hearing from him for a little while, she texted him asking what happened, but he didn’t respond. Ever. Instead, he continued to “orbit” her by following her Instagram and watching her Instastories. Don’t even get me started on this orbiting craze. What is that about?! You don’t want to date me anymore? Fine, we are not friends. Get off my Instagram please.
The story continues…She was then able to see on his Instagram that he must have been dating someone else at the same time and it had gotten more serious. But why didn’t he just say so? When she texted him, why didn’t he just respond and say “I think you’re great, but I recently got more serious with someone. I’m sorry it didn’t work out and thanks for understanding.” As she said herself, she would have understood if he was honest instead of just disappearing. The disappearing act is what hurts the most. It is cowardly.
It is sadly not an age thing. Are you thinking of that 40-year-old that will be more mature? No my friends, he/she won’t be any different. You will be ghosted just the same.
Another friend of mine who is a bit older, dated a divorced woman with children. They were in a serious relationship for about a year. At some point towards the end, it was clear that they were having problems. Perhaps it was evident that a breakup was looming, but he just stopped hearing from her. She did not respond to his texts or phone calls for two full weeks. Can you imagine dating someone for a year and then they just stop responding to you? That is what can make you feel crazy! Finally, she texted him saying that she didn’t feel her best when they were together and that was that. While whatever her feelings were and reason for wanting to break up are legitimate, I think we can all agree that disappearing for two weeks and sending a short text is not what a year-long relationship deserves. An actual breakup conversation was warranted here.
Listen, we all have valid feelings and reasons in dating. Dating does involve hurting someone’s feelings and getting your feelings hurt too. You like someone, they don’t like you back. Someone likes you, you don’t like them back. You try to make a relationship work, but you just have to break up. This is what it is. But there has to be a more honest, truthful and respectful way to date.
At the end of the day, all we want is communication. We don’t want confusion. We want a clear answer so we can just move on and stop thinking about it. Be brave, be courageous, be bold. Just say you’re not into someone. I’ve sent these kind of texts numerous times and believe me, it’s not that uncomfortable. It is the right thing to do. We just want the truth. We just want to know what happened and what’s real. Honesty is what actually gives you the power in the situation. Yes, we can also say that the answer is the lack of an answer. Of course if someone doesn’t respond to your text, they don’t want to date you anymore. That’s obvious. But the problem here is that it leaves someone feeling hurt and disrespected. Unfortunately, it can also leave someone still analyzing.
I know it’s a crazy idea, but just be honest. Say, you’re great, I just don’t feel it and keep it moving. It’s not comfortable, but it’s real.
[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! 🙂